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| Master Po’s hearing continue to get worse. December 23rd, gathering at daughter Amy’s home with whole family there. Daughter-in-law, Vicky bring in covered dish that smell awesome. I asked, “Wow, those smell good, what are they?” She say, “They are bacon wrapped steaks.” Master Po: “Did you bake them or did Dave jr. cook them on the grill?” Vicky: “I baked them.” [with everyone looking at me kind of odd] but Master Po is used to being viewed as odd. So I say, “Great!” I eat 3 of them, and announce: “Be careful everyone, they are delicious but there are some bones in some of them.” ** [Again, more odd looks]** Master Po: “Be careful again everybody, I almost chipped a tooth on a bone.” ***[Now REALLY getting odd looks.]*** but Master Po continue to enjoy 4th helping. Mrs. Po (thinking I from other planet) say: “What are you talking about?” So I repeat warning about bones, only louder this time, and take 5th offering from dish. Mrs. Po say: “Those aren’t bones, they are pits.” Then I realize Master Po is eating bacon wrapped dates, not steaks. And I remember, I don’t even like dates…but thought they were delicious, when I thought they were steaks. Senses starting to break down in Master Po, vision, hearing, and now taste. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 12/4/11 Master Po continue to grow old in not so graceful manner. Today, Mrs. Po put very nice Christmas sweater on, and we attend church service together. Funny thing about attending church service with Mrs. Po – if I attend, always a miracle follows – we have no fight. But if I miss service, it seem God punish the hell out of me, and Mrs. Po can’t control her anger and we have tiny, ever so slight arguments. This scenario never fail, so Master Po try to go to as many services as he can. If world leaders in Mid East attend service with Mrs. Po, there would be no more war in this world. Will suggest to the United Nations this idea tomorrow. This day, attending church has bonus!!! Master Po get free ear piercing during service. No, not ear lobes, but ear drums. First Master Po notice lead singer’s voice is harsh on his aging ears. Singer is very, very good, but remember, his ears are very, very sensitive to loud sounds because sense of hearing is pathetic. He pretend that ear itches and places finger gently in good ear to stop sound. Too late, damage already done – and then bad ear suffer even more damage. To me, singer release decibels similar to fire alarm, but at frequency that dolphins would envy. I feel urge to howl like my two retrievers when siren go off here in town. But I bite my lip, and control myself. I don’t want to have church attendance back fire and have fight with Mrs. Po. Later we take Master Po’s father out to eat at his favorite Chinese restaurant, Main Moon. Master Po’s dad even have worse time hearing than me, and he get mixed up now and then too. He 87 years old. He say, at top of his voice in Main Moon, “I hope the Mexican behind the counter isn’t doing the stir fry today, because he makes it too spicy and hot.” I have no trouble hearing this because he use very loud voice everywhere he go. And of course, there is no Mexican behind counter, only Chinese workers everywhere. I immediately think someday, if Master Po live long enough, he will be just like great grand pappy Po and ears will be totally useless. Conclusion to deaf story - Mrs. Po say during meal, “I wonder how long this sweater will last.” And I reply nicely, “It depends on how often you wear it.” Mrs. Po look at me like I am from Neptune, and repeat even louder, “ I said, I wonder how long this nice weather will last.” My ears are already totally useless. ________________________________________________________________ Master Po below left: Ana Po below right, thinking maybe she not want to take ride with Pappy (Master) Po. 
9/10/11 – Sunny, warm fall day. Master Po persuade Dave Po Jr. and Vicky Po to take baby Ana Po for ride in pappy’s new 4x4 WD work vehicle. Master Po take old tee shirt and wipe seats off due to recent rain. Master Po always thinking of comfort of those in his vehicle – comfort and safety of course. Baby Ana and both adults fastened in securely and off we go into town of New Enterprise. We not get far (right by Honorable Eddie King home) and Dave Po Jr. notice that the new vehicle is ON FIRE! He yell at Master Po saying “WE ARE ON FIRE” then again, “WE ARE ON FIRE.” He repeat this again a few more times, using more decibels each time. But rememba, Master Po hard of hearing, and has ears stuffed with plastic plugs (always thinking ahead and trying to prevent further sensory damage from engine noise). Master Po think he saying “You’re on fire.” So I look down at my own shirt searching for sparks. All while thinking I’m not smoking my cigar and my shirt shouldn’t be burning. Finally, loud shriek made by Dave Jr., at same time Master Po keenly spot tee shirt used to wipe seats off – Yes, It burning vigorously, because Master Po place it between two front seats (again keeping passenger comfort in mind) but part of shirt fall down and lie on very hot manifold of engine. This cause fast burning and smell of burnt marshmallows too. Master Po quickly grab burning shirt and throw it on road (yes, still burning), and some residue from shirt logo stuck on engine part still burning too. Dave Po Jr. make great exit somehow from burning vehicle - freeing himself and Ana Po without harm. Ana Po seem a little shook, but no harm done. She must get used to rides like this with Pappy Po anyway – so she off to good start in life. So like good grandparent, Master Po now write letter to tee shirt company to tell them the plastic logo on their shirts is very flammable – like Chinese fire cracker. It is the least I can do, again always thinking of safety. Master Po hold Baby Ana Po later in evening, and we smile at minor mishap. Master Po swear he hear Ana whisper to her pappy – “let’s FIRE UP work vehicle and go for ride.” ---------------------------------- August 20th - 2011 Scenario: Returning from Nags Head, NC, to Dulles Int. Air port, to drop off Ms. Kelly Po for flight back to San Fran, (to continue saga of Master Po, and Mrs. Po growing older). We leave Nags Head at 9:15 am and not have to be at Dulles till 6:00pm. We not take road maps (outdated in today’s high tech world). Instead Kelly write down precise Google directions from internet. Mrs. Po also use reverse directions when we drive down to Outer Banks. (printed out from pc printer). Master Po use Christmas gift from Mrs. Po – a GPS system. Lesson 1 learned on trip: Stay off any road with 95 on name. This include I95, 295, 395, 495 & any 95 year-old man driving in left lane in CRUISE, going 45mph. Lesson 2: When whole car load has to go potty, do not stop at Pancake House. Mrs. Po feel bad that we use restroom there and wants to stay and order pancakes and eat. It’s 20 till 2 in the afternoon and we not really want pancakes, but Mrs. Po feel bad so we get into argument outside of Pancake House. She take over driving and she not happy. Her foot become heavy on accelerator. We see signs for Tyson’s Corner but not want to go to Tyson’s Corner. We change voice from Susie to Lori on GPS because Susie quit talking to us. We realize later that Susie upset with us because we are morons. Travel okay for a while, then Kelly read instructions from her print out. For some unknown reason, Mrs. Po want her to check those directions with Mrs. Po’s reverse directions used on the way south. Ms Kelly cannot read reverse directions in back of car and prefers not to mix things up. Just as discussion get good about directions, Lori on GPS start telling us to bear left, then bear right, then take left exit. This not easy when traveling 75mph and Mrs. Po being in bad mood because of Pancake House lav stop. Then Lori say, make “U” turn when we can – and she repeat this a number of times. Then she say go 800 yards, bear right, then bear left, and take right exit. (Master Po wonder how Lori see bears on road from satellite) - Mrs. Po find herself stopped between large 5- lane highway and exit ramp, facing huge metal barrier smack in front of us. Panic set in. But we see another sign for Tyson’s Corner. Master Po try to help. He reach dash area to put 4-way flashers on (large trucks on 5 lane road not afraid of collision with small SUV especially hitting one from the rear as it is stopped) BUT Master Po hit 4-wheel Drive button instead. Mrs. Po realize this is not good and reach quickly to get SUV back into 2-wheel mode. She hit volume on radio instead and loud oldie music break eardrums of all three people in car. Lori on GPS now talking over loud radio music start giving more commands. We shut her off. Lesson 3: GPS stand for Getting Pissed Soon. With flashers working we back up then take 50-50 chance and bear right on 5 lane highway. Mistake – wrong way - and we pay $1.75 toll to get off road. We try to change directions without Lori yelling at us. We see Tyson’s corner sign and then pay small $.75 fee to get back on road. It now 5:20 and we must get Ms. Kelly Po to airport before 6:00pm. Panic set in again, and we see more signs for Tyson’s Corner. Mrs. Po make the first of 8,250 apologies to Kelly Po. We turn around and find ourselves paying huge $5.75 toll to stay on road for only a matter of minutes. Toll payment does work and we get Kelly to airport on time. As we leave airport we pay another $1.75 toll but we not upset because we are now relaxed and looking for place to pee. And we realize large tolls are needed to remove dead bears from busy road. We see more signs for Tyson’s Corner and we learn lesson #4: Tyson’s Corner is not a corner at all. It is a wide circle that go on forever and like Hotel California, you take any exit you want, but you can never leave. ------------------------------------ July 7th – 2011 the Chinese Year of the Green Frog Master Po spend quiet evening at cabin with honorable young son. I see prize green frog in green grass and think, “maybe I catch it quickly and throw it into pond for bass to eat.” After many years of training in Shoulin Priest tactics learned at the Institute (http://www.shaolin.com/shaolin_overview.aspx )- Master Po use his quickness to reach down and grab green frog. [greenus frogitus] Master Po, remember, is also color blind. When hand very close to frog, Master Po stop just in time & realize that frog is really [caninus turditus] an oval dog turd. Close call, but frog live on for another day. ---------------------- Father’s Day weekend, 2011 Saturday, Master Po get bright idea to wade waters of Yellow Creek to net bait for bass fishing. Honorable young Po not around to assist and Mrs. Po not wade waters at all unless there are jewels in creek. Master Po happy with catch – many minnows, crayfish and hellgrammites. On way back to bank, Master Po slip twice on slimy rocks in creek and fall on bum very hard. Immediately thinking to not lose bait, Master Po yell “holy hellgrammite,” and he happy he saved all baits each time. He do this by not catching fall with hands, and allow ass to hit rocks. Then he remember, he take Coumadin, and left cheek of bum start hurting very much, and start swelling to humongous proportions. As usual, no matter how hard Master Po try to do good job, he end up doing half-assed job instead. Sunday morning, Master Po in pain, but he attend church services with Mrs. Po. We attend mass even though I have large mass on ass. He not want to get ass chewed out by Mrs. Po so he go with her. Later, we take Master Po Dad out to eat at Perkins in Johnstown for Honorable Father’s Day with other family members. With large mass on ass, Master Po give impression when sitting that he a little “tipsy.” He embarrassed that patrons might think he drunk at 11:00am Sunday morning. He have to slide into and out of seat half assed backwards, and this not make him feel any better. He also limp very badly. Today, Monday, if you see Master Po dragging his ass around area, you will know why. Like rainbow in sky, Master Po expect it to change colors in next couple of days. Sorry, no photos. _______________________________________________ 5/23/11 – Mrs. Po grow old gracefully too. Today at elementary school, they schedule “Fun in Sun” and Mrs. Po wear white Capri pants. (This important in story). Mrs. Po only two weeks from retirement. She asked by guidance counselor honorable Tess Crawford to start “tug of war” with grade six students. Mrs. Po not used to quickness and strength of sixth graders. She place foot on middle of rope – then blow whistle before she can move foot off rope. Grade 6 kids very quick, strong and eager to win. She end up backwards, “head over heels” on bum with white pants now stained. Whistle fall out of mouth, so she cannot stop event. (many years ago, coach Bill Reed have similar incident when foot get caught under football sled in practice and when whistle fall out of mouth, sled keep getting pushed up coach Reed’s leg) Unlike coach Reed, Mrs. Po not swear and cuss. Kids keep on pulling and Mrs. Po drag herself out of way to avoid injury, and get more grass stains on pants. Kids not know to stop and see if Mrs. Po is hurt or not. Faculty laughing too hard to stop event too. Parents and volunteers also laughing very hard. When event finally over, Mrs. Po’s K-G kids rush over. They not check to see if she okay. They tell her she should wear brown or black pants and asked if stains will come out of fabric. K-G kids are very concerned about things like that. Unlike Master Po, Mrs. Po make mistake and tell husband about event. So, he must put it on facebook too, in retaliation. As always, when you see Mrs. Po – please give her hug. ---------------------------------------------------------- A Mother's Day to Remember, 2011: Great Mother’s Day for lovely wife: Master Po do it again. He getting better with age. Four days after coming home from hospital in Pittsburgh he get doctor permission to cut grass with riding mower. He go to cabin and cut grass because it is very high there. To passer-by, it look like Master Po try to cut water level down in pond with riding mower. That not the case, but tractor does drag Master Po into pond and like good captain, I go down with ship. Actually tractor drag Master Po in the water in reverse. Too bad no one have video camera. When Master Po surface, cold water prevent him from realizing large gash and bruise on thigh. So he drive to Honorable Vernon Yung house to get help. Honorable Yung help Master Po get submerged vehicle out of water 8 ft. deep, at least. And 18 feet from shore. Apparently tires make tractor float out deeper into pond. This episode not good for heart, blood thinners, pacemaker, atrial Fib, or black & blue & swollen groin from previous hospital stay. Master Po not feel good going home, as cold water wear off. But he know he get many hours of being yelled at if he tell anyone of mishap. This especially true with wife, daughters and now daughter in law all here in Temple to let Master Po have it. So, he not say anything to anyone. But Friday, Honorable Vernon ask Mrs. Po at school how Master Po is doing. Cat now out of bag. To make very long tale shorter – Master Po have to go to emergency room in Altoona hospital on Mother’s Day. This following ruining Easter Sunday for family cause of trip to Pittsburgh. Today Master Po has very swollen hematoma in thigh, much swelling in knee area too, has gash in leg, and leg turning pretty shade of purple. Women in Temple not impressed with vivid colors. They all still mad at Master Po. Funny, young Dave, being male, not have much to say about this whole episode. This because young Dave like Master Po have testosterone in system, which cause men to do things like this. Women have estrogen which make them soft, cuddly, smarter than men, and great advice givers. Oh, yes, Master Po about 10 years ago, short wire tractor, so when operator fall off seat, tractor still run, in gear. This whole tactic due to male hormones too. Women not understand this at all. If you see Master Po, on crutches, badly swollen leg, and carrying ice pack – ignore him. Give Mrs. Po hug instead. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Magic of My Mrs. @ Market 4/08/11 - Once again Mrs. Po work miracle at market. Never fail, she take buggy and I take buggy, and I not see her again for 6 days, 12 hours. Master Po can put more miles on buggy than rickshaw have in lifetime, while looking for Mrs. Po – it not matter. Master Po finish shopping in 5 minutes time - then he start his search for Mrs. Po who can vanish in market aisles like chameleon in rice patty. Up and down all numbered rows – low # to high, then back down again, high # to low. She nowhere to be found. Master Po try the wait-it-out approach at fruit aisle, the last aisle in Wal-mart. This not work either, as Mrs. Po sense waiting is occurring in market, and only remains hidden further. Master Po walk by same persons 18 times during search. Trouble is, persons are strangers and Master Po not looking for them. He wonder how he can see people this many times, but not see Mrs. Po once. When Master Po ask acquaintance if they see Mrs. Po, they say, “Yes, she next row over.” But it all a trick, as when Master Po look down that row, Mrs. Po still working magic and she not show herself. You see, Mrs. Po can hide behind box of pop tarts without being seen. She can roll up in paper towel like circus contortionist. She can hold breath and hide in orange juice carton for many hours. During Easter season, she can crawl into hollow plastic egg, with her buggy and umbrella, and somehow be comfortable. I truly know no-one like Mrs. Po. Waiting at check-out lane not work either. Wait so long, Master Po become suspect in casing out joint for future robbery. He not have much choice. He wait in cold car in parking lot for remainder of time. He not upset because he used to it. If you see steamed windows in Suzuki, you know that is Master Po waiting for Mrs. Po, patiently as always. Very important to keep Mrs. Po happy. Learned lesson long ago. Let eye wander to take quick peek at attractive lady in market, and Mrs. Po appear like jack-in-box from cantaloupe. This is not a good way for Mrs. Po to appear. If she summoned by this method, she not happy at all. Master Po not use this method since he 26 years old. It much better to wait in car. Only one other method worse, is to engage in ever-so-slight conversation with any lady of opposite sex, no matter what they look like. Mrs. Po can appear from thin air in 0.0001 milli-seconds, but she not happy with this summons either. It better to wait in car. And we live happily ever-after.
---------------------- Super Bowl Sunday, 2011 Master Po continue to grow old gracefully as his ears not working very good lately. If you visit recently, you see him watching TV in Temple with huge ear phones set to pick up sound from set. This make him great conversationalist with Mrs. Po in evenings spending quality time here in our rec room. Head set is large enough that he pick up signals from life forms many galaxies away too. It is a site for sure. If you come to house, do not expect Master Po to hear door bell, door knocks, or any emergency sirens either. Today, Super bowl Sunday, after church, Master and Mrs. Po go to Walmart to pick up some food for game time. Master Po not wear head set to church so he hear very little what pastor have to say in sermon. At Walmart, he not know any questions clerk ask us as we check out. Good thing Mrs. Po’ s ears work fairly well – only sound she can’t hear is voice of Master Po here in Temple. I think it is due to purposeful tuning out, but that only my opinion. She hear grandkids' voices every time. Mrs. Po go to lav after checkout. Master Po start out door. He see greeter man wave to him and yell something as he push cart out door. Master Po also think he hear some bells going off. (Later realize own ears are ringing). He think man yelling at him. Master Po not guilty of shop lifting but he stop dead in tracks, and stare at man with panic look on face. Buggy stop so fast, many items fly forward and fruit rolls out of bags. Master Po sandals slip on floor too. He almost get robe and pant legs caught in buggy wheels. Shopper behind Master Po run her buggy into Achilles’ heels of Master Po too. This cause great pain and much discomfort. Greeter man is also Good bye man too. He repeat to Master Po “thank you for shopping at Walmart, have a great day.” Master Po continue, limping out store door but he not very happy man. Monks not like to call attention to ourselves, especially in busy Walmart. Mrs. Po learn of episode in car, (closed rickshaw) and she find it very humorous. Master Po hope to enjoy game now. Please no calls. He wear huge head set, and cannot hear any phones ringing. But he hope advanced life forms send him winner of game info, so he can call Temple bookie. -------------------------- Recent Mis-Adventures of Master Po - Summer 2010 Master Po meet Mennonite man from landscape company to talk about removing some trees from Temple property. This happen at 10:00 in morning on Wednesday, September 29, 2010. Master Po give man Temple phone number and man say he will call back about a time to start working. Master Po then leave and not return till 2:30 pm. (Tooth hurty, that is the time that the Chinese man go to dentist too, but that is not important in this story). At 2:30 Master Po see light blinking on answering machine, but because Master Po not hear very well, he hear this, “This is John, and I’m garble, garble, garble…yada yada yada. Give me a call.” And then man leaves his number. Number also show on caller ID. Master Po always being polite, call back and tell man’s answering machine that he not hear message very good, and ask man to call back later on in the evening. Then Mrs. Po come home at 4:30 and listen with good ears to first message. She hear, “This is John, and I’m a gay, white male calling from ___ ______, Give me a call.” So now it’s Monday evening, and Master Po not know if he was set up as a joke, or if some guy named John is anticipating romance in near future. If this is joke, someone get Master Po good. Stay tuned. Oh, real landscape man have nothing to do with this - I better add that. He won't call till next week. August, 2010 - Master Po and Mrs. Po take group tour to New England. This great trip, and wisely Master Po read over itinerary before we depart. This is good because Master Po not normally like to read. He discover that there will be some opportunities to gamble at Mohegan Indian Reservation in Connecticut. He pack 60 dollar worth of quarters in 10 dollar rolls and take to casino. He forget to wear belt in his shorts and quarters are very heavy. {120 in each side pocket} He have to put hands in pockets to walk to buffet to keep his pants up. It is difficult to carry food, plates, beverages, etc. back to table when hands are in pockets. So he in not so good mood cause he have trouble making customary 48 trips through buffet line. He skip desert entirely - not normal for Master Po. After eating much good food, pants still not stay up very well. And he learn he not read brochure very good either – casino bank not take coins. So he get sent away from black jack table and told to go to other end of huge reservation to get bills for quarters. After many stops, and many stares from workers and patrons, he finally find teller at window many prairies away. She must feel sorry for Master Po, because she take coins and give him bills, and not even look inside rolls. I guess she figure this guy must be for real. She said she trust Master Po – she good squaw for sure. [Of course Master Po is on video cameras throughout whole area - if he give them wrong coins, they will come after him like braves of Sitting Bull come after General Custer]
He take bills to other bank window and exchange for tokens. He not know all this before trip. But he have good time playing black jack, as lady named Eileen show Master Po how to play. [how to play, not how to win]. He not have to worry about returning to window to exchange tokens back for cash. When leaving motel room later, Master Po take all shampoo, body lotion, mouth wash and hair rinse bottles in his suit case. Master Po want to keep reputation as "Cheap Po" and he not want to hurt feelings of hospitality gesture of motel management. These bottles are very small, and print on bottles is smaller yet. Master Po not see print well, and see color of fluids even worse. This past Tuesday, Master Po take small bottle of mouth wash with him to dentist in Richland, just outside of Johnstown - he need crown repair, but it not have much to do with royalty. He not want to go into dentist chair with bad breath, so he take mouthfull of mouthwash about a mile and a half from office. After taking liquid in mouth, Master Po notice more sudsing than usual, and then he realize, he washing mouth out with shampoo. When he get to office, he spit out many suds in mulch by Rhododendron bushes. He hope no one see, but is afraid to look up and check surroundings. He then wonder if breath smell like shampoo, but he not bring up story to dentist or technicians. Feel free to give Master Po hug next time you see him, and do comment on how clean his teeth look. ------------------------------------- Summer Trek 2009 – Part I
Once again, happy to report that Master Po and Mrs. Po complete yet another adventure – this time a train-bus-plane adventure through the west with 25 other bold vacationers, and three guides - one head tour guide (Phyllis) and two trainees (Kathy and Kippy). As usual, trip not start out good. Master Po want to sleep in motor coach ride to Pittsburgh airport, but tour guide lady in bus want to make many announcements, and once she get started, she not want to stop telling us things. More about Phyllis later in story. When we get to airport, we learn that our plane is delayed for four and a half hours. Some flights to and from Chicago are cancelled. We hear many disturbing words like, wind shear, turbulence, down-draft, updraft, lightning and vertical winds. Mrs. Po once again pop Xanax as she do on other flights, but this not help while landing in Chicago. Airport there called O’Hare Airport, but not for famous WWII pilot named O’Hare. It called O’Hare because all passengers get O’Harrowing experience. During one deep dive during descent, all passengers and items suddenly float in air, like magic show in Buddhist temple. This very scary for all. Mrs. Po not happy, and Xanax not do job. She squeeze fingernails into Mater Po’s arm and cause severe pain and bruising. She almost bump head on ceiling of plane. This dangerous, not because of head injury, but Mrs. Po spend many hours before flight fixing hair just right, using many hot irons, and blow dryers and other high tech equipment. If Mrs. Po ruin hair style, no one is safe aboard plane. Master Po begin to pray that hair not messed up, and that we land safely. We all have Brazil flight over Atlantic on our minds as it was big news days earlier. When Master Po look out window and see wings on jet flapping like butterfly in temple garden, he too poke his own fingers into his own arm and cause more bruising. We notice young flight attendant in rear of plane. His eyes are as big as Tibet temple cymbal used to call meetings. This not help anyone feel any safer. He admit that this is the worst turbulence he ever experience. It get worse as we land - raining hard, water on runway – hydro planing a new word heard on plane. We rock back and forth, and hit fairly hard, but do land safely. Shaolin Priests and God are no doubt with us as we come to stop, Buddha too. Phyllis too. We learn that we are the last plane to land. O’Hare shut down ground operations for one and a half more hours. And we sit on runway till storm dies down. Mrs. Po again not happy, and wants to run out of plane with umbrella and run into airport and not wait for gate to open. I convince her that this is not a wise choice. Later we hear that honorable Billy Mays suffers injuries to head when luggage fall on him during other flight. He later die from injuries. This make sense to us as we happy no luggage fall on our heads. Summer Trek 2009 - Part II We all calm down on motor coach ride to motel, and enjoy very good, albeit late, dinner in the Windy City. Phyllis give us plenty of directions too, about everything from city to motel to train ride to bus ride to plane ride back home. This very hard to remember, and we old vacationers need plenty more reminders. Some get confused and need more reminders. Master Po one of those that need constant guidance. In Chicago motel, Master Po run through available channels on TV in room. He somehow start some adult porn movie by accident. He admit he see nothing wrong with watching adult entertainment, but we dead tired, and Mrs. Po not ever want to watch such stuff – so this is an accident, it is not intentional. He want to sleep and get some much needed rest, as he still groggy from bus ride to Pittsburgh. He call desk to hault this movie, but they mess up, and tour guide trainee has to help cancel the fee the next morning. This is a little embarrassing with all other older people around front desk. I feel everyone believe Master Po is a liar and perv. In morning, we take tour of city. It is very good tour, despite Chicago guide giggle after every phrase. Before we pick up guide, Phyllis feel urge to break into song while holding mike. She sing all 18 versus of “I’ve been working on railroad” complete with chorus after each verse. One man in group named Gary Hollen, yell at Phyllis, “Don’t quit your day job.” Everyone laugh, but Mrs. Po gives me customary poke in ribs and give me evil eye, meaning not to say or add anything to Gary’s comment. I admit it’s tough to do, but I try not to add much, just a little. We all having fun now – and Phyllis talk on… We board train later in day and spend three days on choo choo. This is very amazing adventure – we learn many things, as Phyllis is authority on everything. Seriously, she is – we start to think she is not annoying anymore and is a great tour guide. And she talk on… We ascend the Rockies in Denver and the view is better than from window in Temple located in Himalaya Mountains. We drink beer, eat good food, meet many good people and enjoy watching scenery from observation car on train. Despite cramped quarters and bad knees, and old bones, we all enjoy this trip. Walking from car to car while moving is an adventure in its own. Showering over closed commode lid next to shower drain also new to travelers. When going to potty, commode lid up – when showering, commode lid down – always hard to stand straight during trip - train going up to 85 mph at times. In upper end of Colorado River, we are told that this section is called Moon River. Sure enough those that are enjoying the water there, shoot us the moon, as we travel past river. This odd because men and women and kids of all ages do this. We get a hoot out of this moon shooting. Later in cramped private rooms, more moon shooting occur. When one bends over to put socks on, he get a moon in face from partner who also bending over from towel drying following shower. We learn there is much ass-kissing on this train – but it is not intentional. Passengers see much wild life along rail trip. One man named honorable John Shambaugh tell us he see many antelope, deer, elk, turkey and one mountain lion from observation car. We not sure Honorable Johnny tell us truth. We learn he good joker as trip goes on. Wife Charlene admit that both she and Johnny share little bottom bunk bed during night in cramped rooms. We laugh so hard, Master Po about pee himself when we hear this. Mrs. Po and I not try such drastic endeavor. We all have good time And Phyllis talk on… Summer Trek 2009 – Part III When we get to Reno, we leave train. We learn from Phyllis in advance that we will have “train legs” and we do. We can’t walk normally on solid ground for two days or more. Watching 28 older people wobble around remind Master Po of Penguins on floating iceberg. Mrs. Po surprisingly not poking me too much about antics, cause many other people including bus driver Mark, also have great time and make many jokes. He tell us he not pass out while driving now for over two weeks. We laugh and have great time and Phyllis talk on… As tour designers mandate, we supposed to change seats each time we get on and off bus. Phyllis remind us all the time, yet we still pretty stupid. Finally after the 5,280 reminder, she make us all make own name tags to place on seats. Despite her directions, no one’s name tag looks the same as the others. They all look different – we confuse easily. We then have to place the tags on different seat as we rotate around. This not easy for old people to do. This frankly become biggest pain in ass in whole trip. But Phyllis is relentless and she talk on… Next stop is Virginia City Nevada, where Cartrights live on Bonanza. We gamble there, eat great ice cream and meet many new people from all over, including the east. When ordering ice cream, Master Po point to red raspberry flavor and call it chocolate. His color blindness becomes apparent once again. When he finally get order right, it is the best chocolate ice cream he ever have. And he carry stain on shirt and shorts to prove it. While here, Honorable Johnny and wife Charlene Shambaugh take guided tour of old city. This man in town take old tractor from his barn, and hook up hay wagon to back, and then give tours of city. He may not always know what he talking about. He try refer to one big time business man in city as a mogul. He call him a mongrel instead. Johnny and Charlene laugh as he also misses the date that the city caught on fire by 100 years. He say city burn down in 1975. His humor is free of charge, and like other happenings is not intentional. We warned by bus driver and guides to not wear name tags around neck while walking the streets. We don’t want to look like tourists too much is the reason. Master Po roar out loud at this suggestion as he wear bright new, white tennis shoes while walking. They glow like radio-active uranium isotope 238 – name tag not needed to indicate he is tourist. We laugh on, and Phyllis continues to give directions and much information. Mrs. Po stops in first shop she sees to make souvenir purchase. She buy heavy colored stones for grand children. And then hauls them in purse across the entire country to bring them back home. Master Po must say, kids are happy with this surprise. Mrs. Po start therapy soon for injured shoulder from torn ligament in socket. As Mark drives bus on steep, winding road along Sierra Nevadas, we notice No guard rail along road. Mrs. Po, who request window seat, minutes earlier, now want away from window. She also want away from cliff so we move to other side of bus. This mess up name tags and set rotation, but Phyllis understand Mrs. Po need to be away from cliff. And no one want to see Mrs. Po get sick. This might mess up hair and she not happy when hair messed up. Mark very good driver and we not fall off cliff once. He also not pass out once along this part of highway. This trip very educational. Master Po learn much. It feel like he back in temple learning again. We learn that Nevada is strange state. Cat houses ok - gambling (to lose life savings and house) ok - smoking in casino ok - but don’t dare smoke in the casino restrooms. Must not mix up rest room fragrance with smoke! And don’t chew gum and throw gum or wrapper in Lake Tahoe. Summer Trek – Part IV We continue to California west coast – learning much along way. Phyllis see to that. Master Po can’t figure out how it all right to steal all West land from Indians and to take away Texas and California from the Mexicans – yet today, US government feel right to poke nose into other country’s business every time there is land dispute in world. This not make sense to Easterner like Master Po. We safely get to San Francisco where we meet again with daughter Kelly Po. Mrs. Po keep secret from me for long time, but finally does tell me. Kelly Po have nose pierced, and Mrs. Po reluctant to give me information. Had Phyllis known about piercing, she would have said something to group, but Mrs. Po wait till proper time. Master Po surprise everyone when he find out. He not get mad at all. He join Kelly and get nose pierced too. This make many on bus laugh, and honorable Johnny Shambaugh sends photo home of Master Po via cell phone. This end up on face book, and daughter Amy, (in Altoona) need explanation of what is going on. Mrs. Po explain to her that Master Po was not drinking when piercing occur. He simply joining daughter with new style of body mutilation.  In restaurant, Master Po can’t find napkin, but is told by other Po’s at table that it is the large RED item folded in glass on table. Once again, color blindness come into play for Master Po. He locate cloth napkin size of large Chinese Dragon kite and eat very good meal, and eat much too. On way back, Mrs. Po start to walk across street when green “T” light is lit – She think “T”rain signal means ok for “T”erri to walk. She out of it as much as Master Po at times, and has to be pulled back from crosswalk. Adventure continue, along coast south to LA. Bus driver Mark, play “On the Road Again,” by Willie Nelson many times. He also look up on I pod, “The Pennsylvania Polka” and play it for us Easterners. We sing along - have good time, and Phyllis talk on… We learn of the demise of Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcet and Billy Mays but we not allow it to spoil good trip. We see Michael Jackson’s and other stars in Hollywood Sidewalk Hall of Fame. When lining up for directions before Kodak tour, Phyllis continue to give announcements. She instruct all to go to lav and for older people, we not pass up chance to get in there. Trouble though - line for Ladies’ Room is long and Phyllis’ voice is heard loud and clear in MEN’S ROOM.
She poke face close to entry and yell, “THE LADIES HAVE RETURNED TO THE START OF THE TOUR – THEIR LINE IN THE LAV IS TOO LONG.” Honorable Jack Johnson of St. College hear her so clear, and almost pee himself thinking haunting voice is very close to us. Master Po immediately check to see if he is in correct rest room. For a split second he think he in Ladies’ room but other upright toilets confirm that we are ok. Phyllis only doing her job and she walk and talk on… We gradually discover in trip that Phyllis is one awesome and talented lady. She swim in motel pool, sings, tell good jokes, hand out candy, dresses very professionally and never stops talking. She is very passionate tour guide who love her work and love other people too. We grow to like her much. Phyllis mention that she ready to retire and turn over guide duties to other ladies and spend more time with family. Then it all make sense to Master Po. Phyllis apparently has developed a vaccine to prevent laryngitis and intends to retire with millions of dollars of royalties. She never LOSE VOICE – not after swimming, singing, talking, air conditioner running, or telling us to change seats. I discover her secret. She will be very rich someday. And her successors will forever enjoy the vaccine so they too, can talk on… Adventure story way too long – we all have good time, and reach East safely. Master Po recommend this kind of tour for all. It was good for Master Po to get away. He still sad because of demise of former student in temple Kwai Chang Caine – David Carradine – alias Grasshopper who recently play around with auto-erotic asphyxiation. He learn of this ancient Chinese secret while spending many lonely times in temple. We warn all future Shaolin Priests to not mess with this kind of activity. He not listen – kids will be kids, but he in seventies and should know better. Till next time, sincerely, Master Po of the East ______________________________________________________________________________ Mis-Adventures of Master Po - from April 2008
Master Po and Mrs. Po purchase kayaks for Christmas. Mrs. Po say she not venture into water till July when water warm. Master Po, being huge idiot try kayaks out today, in fast, cold water of Yellow Creek. Might add, Master Po never kayak before.
After third spill in ice cold water, with total submergence, and Master Po wear pace maker, he decide to give up on adventure, and carry kayak downstream to house to make call to Mrs. Po. Mrs. Po forgive Master po for being huge moron, and pick him up, with towell and dry clothes, and make Master Po feel warm and dry. Make him feel good today.
True story. Send sympathies to Master Po for close call with hypothermia, and send more sympathies to Mrs. Po for being married to an imbecile.
Wallet wet, but ok, and car keys did not get lost. Master Po wear them around neck, so he not lose them. He may get strangled but he not lose keys. So, some good news in this story.
PS - trout fisherman get huge chuckle today watching 55 year old man trying to get out of deep creek hole while kayak get tangled in branch of huge fir tree. Too bad no one have video camera. !!!! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Part II Happy to report too, that Master Po and Mrs. Po survived yet another kayak adventure along Raystown Branch of Juniata River.
Adventure start out in trouble. 7/12/08 - Very Hot today, and humid. Go to river in Jeep, but then get stuck in deep mud along river bank. (Take notice, as this will come again into story.) Jeep have 4 wheel drive, but it not do any good. Must pay man in tow truck FITTY dollars to pull us out. Mrs. Po not happy, that trip start out like this. She roll brown eyes at Master Po, but not say much.
Trailer, rear light assembly is broken. This happen while Master Po continue to try to back up against large tree next to river. This mean that tail light, brake light, and turn signal on right side do not work now. This mean extra money at garage too when we take trailer for repairs.
Finally, we start down river. We not go very far, and have to walk kayaks around rocks. This called "portage" by early settlers, but Mrs. Po not happy whatever it is called. She again roll brown eyes at Master Po, and this time she let know, she not happy.
Then she get stuck side-ways in rapids. Master Po, who have pace maker next to left nipple, row up stream to rescue Mrs. Po. This not only make Mrs. Po not happy, but instantly give Mrs. Po a Migraine headache as they say in the West. Master Po apologize profusely, but not having acupuncture kit with me, I cannot get rid of Mrs.'s Po's pain. Pace maker make strange feeling in upper left of chest.
So, we continue down stream where muddy, trailer (without lights) and muddy Jeep is waiting. We do get there fine.
BUT, as Master Po tries to dock in mud, he sinks in up to his naval in quick-sand like yuck. This mud, has Sulfur Dioxide and Hydrogen Sulfide in its makeup, and smells like rotten eggs, and is very deep, and very dirty. His pace maker again begins to give him worries. Mrs. Po, always quick to see that Master Po is in trouble, immediately yells.
"I HOPE YOU CAN TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GO INTO THE HOUSE."
And again, she not happy.
Master Po rescue self, and docks Mrs. Po successfully, and takes Kayaks up hill to waiting dirty Jeep with broken Tail light trailer. Pace-maker, again begin to act up just a little, next to left breast. Like Holstein in Bedford County field, he suffer from UDDER exhaustion because pace maker going crazy around left nipple. He take dip again in river water to try to get rid of mud, covering his body. And bad smell too.
This not work very good, as he still has to walk through mud to get to shore. Master Po still very dirty, and not smell very good, as he crawls up bank to Jeep. Mrs. Po get there fairly clean compared to Master Po.
Happy to report that all ends well, and Master Po, and Mrs. Po clean off Jeep and trailer and assess damage, and are still speaking as we go out to eat for late supper.
Just another adventure in the life of Master Po, who will never learn to .......
not take those that don't like adventures along with him, while going down-river in a kayak.
Kidding about that part, all else of this is true, and Mrs. Po still - somehow - is happy that Master Po is around and doing ok. She seem to forgive Master Po if he promise to buy dinner. ------------------- .. Part III Another kayak adventure in bad storm - Aug 8, '08
Buddha and Shaolin priests in monastery shine on Master and Mrs. Po yesterday while kayaking in Wilmore water dam. We thankful we still alive today.
Bad weather forecast is early sign we should not go, but Master Po fear he disappoint Mrs. Po if he not take her kayaking. Later, Mrs. Po admit that she not have good feeling about going, but she afraid to disappoint Master, so neither speak up.
We get there with no problem, but again, not speaking up take toll on our minds. Mrs. Po suggest that we avoid men fishing from bank, even though they are fishing two feet off shore and dunking baits right next to shore line. So Master Po, not want to offend Mrs. Po, and we begin paddling kayaks to OTHER SIDE of large dam.
Sun shining brightly, but dark clouds begin to form in distance. We still paddle further away from dock. Again, not wanting to take away each other’s desire to HAVE FUN.
Soon drizzle start to hit bodies, and distant thunder sound over large mountain. We dock kayaks and Mrs. Po get out of water and stand on shore for long time. Only large, tall trees are in this area, NO SHORT ONES. Master Po enjoying wading and catching aquatic life under rocks and in weeds next to bank. BIG BOOM HIT CLOSE, and it start raining very hard.
Master Po turn kayaks over and rest them diagonally against large fallen tree, just enough room for two Po’s to sit on life jackets, and get under very little protection. It rain harder, and harder, and BOOMS get closer and closer.
Surprisingly, Mrs. Po not saying much, as I think she begin to suffer shock from whole experience. So, Master Po try to rub her shoulder and back to comfort her all while saying “it’s about over – we’ll be fine.” But Mrs. Po not stupid lady, and knows our feet are only 18 centimeters out of water. This not matter, as we are soaking wet anyway. And comfort efforts do little good. Mrs. Po later admit fear that she think If Master Po get hit by lightning, it will travel down his arm and go through her too, thus killing both Po’s. She not understand, if bolt strike, that we both dead right away, as we sit so close together. But all during storm, Mrs. Po have very little to say. She say many prayers instead of wanting to chit chat.
Storm seem to last for very long time. This is not fun for kayakers.
When thunder subside long enough, we try to paddle quickly back across water. We get half way – and storm again return. We get very wet, and not have good time, but Master Po admire how fast Mrs. Po can paddle kayak and has rough time keeping up with her.
What seem like whole summer later, we get to dock, and get out of water but it still raining, and thunder Gods not happy. Master Po get gear together, while Mrs. Po go to Jeep and bring jeep and trailer close to dock. Mrs. Po, think that trailer is 150 meters long, and passes up place where Master Po is waiting for trailer. She think she park trailer right next to kayaks, but she far down road. Master Po not say much as to not want to ruin outing.
He also worry when Mrs. Po starts to BACK UP in Jeep. This not good when she not ever back up with trailer, so Master Po carries gear to trailer rather than risk further loss of fun.
Later on way home, Mrs. Po admit another worry, only common to women. She picture the authorities finding our electrocuted bodies, and notifying the kids. She think as only women can think –“what would our kids think was going through our minds”? when we went kayaking in bad weather. This not enter Master Po’s mind once during whole ordeal. He instead think bodies will be found quickly under brightly colored, fluorescent kayaks, when sun come out. As kayaks were very close to shore line.
When you see Mrs. Po, please give her a hug – she need it.
----------------------------- | Mis-Adventures on West Coast - October 2008 San Francisco Master Po happy to report on recent visit to San Francisco to visit daughter, Ms Kelly Po, who also serve as tour guide to me and Mrs. Po.
Master Po convince Mrs. Po to take Xanax pill before we board flight. This good idea as Mrs. Po not grab Master Po’s arm once during the commuter or jet flight to California. Not having finger nails poke into Master Po’s skin is good idea cause Master Po take Coumadin and will bleed easily.
We make it to west coast without incident but that change quickly when we get into city. Master Po not good at city life. On muni train which go both underground and above ground, Master Po have some troubles. Train start out going too fast, and Master Po try hanging on to silver pole in middle of train. I, Too slow, and train too fast. Master Po knock down young lady like large bowling ball hitting a spare pin. This lady recover and move away from Master Po as far as she can. Other train travelers stare at Master Po much.
So next time on train we try to grab seats so we not have to stand. This not work either as Ms. and Mrs. Po get to sit next to each other and Master Po get stuck by man who hears things. So this man, (who is also homeless, and I can’t understand how he pay fee to ride), sits with his hands over his ears for entire half hour ride. He also howl as if his ears hurt, like Dog howling at fire whistle in the cove. This not make Master Po feel comfy at all. Many city riders pay no attention to this man. Visitors stare in dis-belief.
On another train trip, Master Po again get seat by himself. This is because ladies have good knees and can board train very fast, and grab good seats. Master Po have bad knees, and can’t walk very good – can’t run either. Another homeless man with little black teeth stands next to riding passengers. He yell out, “OK, who has the weed?” Then he say real loud, “I’ll look into your eyes to see who’s been smoking.”
He look right at Master Po and yell, “Oh, it’s you, the ladies’ man.” Master Po not know what he mean, but tries to ignore this man on rest of trip. He too stay on for many minutes. Finally, he jump off quickly, without paying too. He also not smell very good.
Muni -train curse strike again on Sunday morning, as Mrs. Po make us join her for church service. This is a cold morning, with many different rides, on trolley (cable) car, bus and train. Master Po up early and drinks two cups of coffee and two cups of hot chocolate. He also have water issues because of meds he is on. Master Po pee in lobby before we walk out in early morning. But after cold ride holding on to post in cable car, he have to pee badly again as we get off car. He run into Burger King to hit lav, but realize he need quarter to get into lav door. He not have quarter, and barely makes it to counter to get quarter to go back down hall way to get to lav. This is very close call. And master Po break rule, that says, “lavatory use for patrons only.” He not care, as he is used to breaking rules all the time.
We board Muni train next, and once again, Master Po find himself sitting by himself. Mrs. Po, always quick to recognize when Master Po is having medical problems notices anguish on Master Po’s face. Train very crowded as it seems many other ladies are making families go to church services too. Many people stand between me and Mrs. Po when she let out loud question. “Do you have to go to the bathroom again?” This question go UN answered by Master Po.
We get out and have to walk six blocks, up-hill to make it to church. This not help master po’s heart valves, pace maker, bladder or knees. We make it there, and immediately look for lav. Master Po not alone in lav search this time as both ladies find a need for this facility too.
Church service very nice, and Master Po thank God he makes it there alive, AND DRY.
Master Po have many other encounters on this 4-day trip but would take many pages to write it all down. Like one photo where Master Po ask complete stranger to take picture of us in front of fire place in hotel lobby. Master Po wonder why man is smiling the whole time as he’s taking the snapshot. When I see picture, I notice that Master Po spill coffee on shirt right before photo is taken. This no doubt make man feel happy to see.
 
My Notre Dame TEE shirt with coffee stain in plain sight - no wonder Mrs. Po close eyes .
Master Po also show rare quickness while ladies are talking in the Haight-Ashbury section of the city. Master Po warn them to move out of way, as burned out hippies in leather biker jackets have trouble walking down sidewalk. They fall into building wall on sidewalk, and just miss the two ladies. We find it odd that no one stopped or looked at them. It was as if “oh, well, two men so out-of-it, they can’t walk – what’s new?” I quickly hear vehicle alarm whistle, and think it’s a cop or ambulance coming to their rescue. I am wrong – a fire truck goes by, and no one pauses for men laying on sidewalk. This is very odd to Master Po. They not homeless cause they have dog on leash with them. I Feel sorry for dog.
Return trip is ok too, as both of us take Xanax pills before flight. This is good idea for travelers like us. Master Po love this city, especially China town, but not sure city love Master Po. Without Ms. Kelly Po, he would have been lost in city, and almost was on two occasions when ladies walk too fast for Master. He does enjoy seeing many fellow asian residents in China town though.
Mrs. Po and Master Po pose with sea gull in front of Bay Bridge connecting SF to Oakland. Food very good in city as you can tell by Master Po's swollen green T-shirt.
The End
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Note: Master Po answer phone today, while typing above story, He talk on phone to stranger like Chinese Shaolin Buddha monk. He not do this on purpose and starts to howl with laughter. He then explain to man on other end that Master Po is a moron monk. What hoot this be!!!
MASTER PO DISCOVER NEW RECIPE - MAYBE FEEL GOOD TOMORROW MORNING
Master Po accidently discover new recipe this morning - Just in time for the Holidays. He put Cheerios in bowl and add raisins too. He then sprinkle extra fiber on cereal too. This is good for lowering levels of bad chemicals in blood, plus it help Master Po stay regular too. These good things for all members of aging population. And this good for sewage treatment here in temple too.
Master Po not good at reading labels though, and is always in a hurry. He reach in ice box to get 2% fat-free milk but not look very close at label. He pour Holiday Egg Nog on cereal instead of milk. Master Po also color blind, and does not notice mistake till he put in mouth.
This mixture not taste bad, so he want to pass on mistake to others. Don't know if Master Po feel particularly good today, but will let you know tomorrow morning if he feel good then. I hope mixture not too reactive because Master Po must baby sit grandkids this afternoon. Hope I not in bathroom feeling effects of fiber and egg nog when kids require my attention. Please do not try this till all results come in (OR OUT) tomorrow.
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