PLEASE TELL ME THIS WON’T HAPPEN TO US
An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into.
She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher.
'They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!' she cried.
The dispatcher said, 'Stay calm. An officer is on the way.'A few
minutes later, the officer radios in.
'Disregard.' He says. 'She got in the back-seat by mistake.'
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!
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Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together.
One night the 96-year-old draws a bath.
She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other
sisters, 'Was I getting in or out of the bath?'
The 94-year-old yells back, 'I don't know. I'll come up and
see.'
She starts up the stairs and pauses 'Was I going up the stairs
or down?
The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea and
listening to her sisters.
She shakes her head and says, 'I sure hope I never get that
forgetful, knock on wood.'
She then yells, 'I'll come up and help Both of you as soon as I
see who's at the door.'
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!!
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'I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!'
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf
one fine March day.
One remarked to the Other, 'Windy, isn't it?'
'No,' the second man replied, 'it's Thursday.'
And the third man chimed in, 'So am I. Let's have a beer.'
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!!
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Now this one is just too Precious...!
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the
years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.
One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other
and said, 'Now don't get mad at me .. I know we've been friends for a
long time, but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and
thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is.'
Her friend glared at her.
For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her.
Finally she said, 'How soon do you need to know?'
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!!
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SENIOR DRIVING
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone
rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him,
'Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way
on Interstate 77. Please be careful!'
'Heck,' said Herman, 'It's not just one car It's hundreds of
them!'
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!!
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DRIVING
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could
barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came
to an intersection.
The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The woman
in the passenger seat thought to herself 'I must be losing it I could
have sworn we just went Through a red light.'
After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and
the light was red. Again, they went right through.
The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light
had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was
getting nervous.
At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and
they went on through.
So, She turned to the other woman and said, 'Mildred, did you
know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have
killed us both!'
Mildred turned to her and said, 'Oh, crap, am I driving ?'
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!!
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submitted by Karen Macalintal:
This is dedicated to all of us who are seniors, to all of you who know seniors, and to all of you who will become seniors. It pays to be able to laugh about it when you are!
"WHERE is my SUNDAY paper?!" The irate customer calling the newspaper office, loudly demanded to know where her Sunday edition was .
"Madam", said the newspaper employee, "today is Saturday. The Sunday paper is not delivered until tomorrow, on SUNDAY".
There was quite a long pause on the other end of the phone, followed by a ray of recognition as she was heard to mutter, "Well, shit, so that's why no one was at church today."