Master Po say:
Slow monk flunk Penn DOT work test. He think asphalt mean man has rectal troubles.
When blonde asked if she need any condiments at dinner, she reply, "No thanks, I'll save the condom mints for later on."
While touring New England in boat, Master Po see many tall people wading in water, with bathing suits staying dry. He figure we must be in High Anus Port.
Master Po explain to ditz on tour boat. She upset at DRAW BRIDGE sign, and they not give her paper, or art tools.
I say to her. Hell, I wait all day yesterday on bridge too, and not see one gun fight.
Jeff Bridges was arrested for shooting at one of those signs, and the police would not believe his story.
Tanzanian police arrest Jaro Allyjeuuan, who confess to killing an African man. When asked why he did it, he say, " I see sign that say 'Kilimanjaro' on road, so I follow directions."
Dung Beetle Motto: A turd on the land equals two in the toosh.
Soldier come home and wait with bated breath while blonde fiancé pick him up at airport. Blonde check his mouth for night crawlers first, then give him kiss.
When confused blonde hear that boxer “go down for the count” she think he make love to Vampire.
If farmer not fix leak in roof of milk house, he better get used to stool softener.
Rememba: Man who fish for gar in sea may get hooked on cigar.
Battered Chinese housewife finally leave husband – she become follower of Charles Man Shun.
Man who crush grapes at home to make wine, end up with large Mush Room.
When Sylvester Stallone notice odor on set of “Rocky,” he say, “ I’ll Talia, Shire more often, please.”
When man fall from Grace, he must learn to squeeze her more tightly next time.
When midgets take ship hostage authorities suspect Smalli Pirates.
As Rosie O’Donnell agree to gibberish contest with Nancy Grace, judges decide ancient city of Babylon is best location.
When Tin Man spill beer on his shoulder and trunk, rust start to make his joints squeak. He now only drink at “Creak Side” Inn.
When huge lady get charged for two seats on American Airlines, she take case to chief tax ASS’s-HER's.
When Roethlisberger’s attorney explain behavior to Roger Goodell, he say, “He can’t help it, Big Ben’s Cock is Ticking” and he want to live life to its fullest.
As Magic Johnson’s hearing get worse, medical doctors suspect “hearing AIDS.”
When William the Conqueror grow old, he no longer carry real weapon. He then called William Fakespear. Arsonist on party ship say he get degree from Sear-A-Cruise University.
When lady basketball player get tubes tied, she graduate from Neuter Dame.
Confused blonde think juggernaut is huge lady who can tie jugs in knot.
Eye doctor recommend concert to patients with dry eyes. She give tickets for FreeDance TearWater Revival.
"Rememba, Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder." - borrowed, sorry.
Just call master Po, "Ulysses" as he is often taken for "Grant-ed"
While shopping, Master Po see man buying spring Easter flower for his wife, named Sythia. He tell clerk, "this is For-Sythia."
When Arkansas Razorback transfer schools, he say, “This little piggy go to Marquette.”
"When taught to strike happy medium in life, student get arrested for assaulting smiling fortune teller."
“Cattle set to stampede following lightning strike known as thundering herd.”
“Watch dog with automatic shock collar will never let you pass. He very dogmatic.“
“Horny carpenter take hammer to attic to pound off. “
“Wild, crazy male organ called coo-coo cock.”
“When Colin Powell due for exam, doctor recommend Colin-oscopy.” “Find too much smoke blown up ass by those in Washington.”
“When Amish teen tell dad she pregnant, he say, “too many Mennonite.” “When vet find lice on legs of mountain cat, he treat Nittany Lion.” (nit knee lion)
“Male bird with two reproductive organs known as Cockatoo.”
“Bale fall on lizard is the straw that broke the chameleon’s back.”
“Puzzled male tiger question wife about his frayed jeans - Tigris, Euphrates?” (Tigris - You fray these?)
“Playboy who think he Night Hawk might just be Great Horny Owl.”
“After patient complain eye doctor tickle her during exam, doc tell judge, it optical illusion. (Op Tickle)
“After Pittsburgh woman have suspended bladder surgery, she no longer live in Beaver Falls.”
“Disease-ridden rodent found in city bake shop is Pittsburgh Pirate.”
“When chief tell confused brave of approaching winter storm, brave expect visit from many snow squaws.”
“Depressed Shao Lin Priest who lie on railroad track suffer from split personality disorder”
“Baby Teddy Bear who refuse potty training must stay in Pooh Corner.”
“When young lumber jack break hatchet in woods, he get fist piece of axe.”
“Repeated shoplifter in jewelry store known as Kranich Kleptomaniac.”
“As hog butcher cut ribs, he contemplate soohy side. “
“If honey bee sting woman in crotch, she called honey puss.”
“Geisha girl who use mouth wash as douche, is Lavoris Clitoris“
“Terrorists warn that sperm clinic will be bombed – many to be over come in rubble.”
“Meat butcher with hernia has plenty of tender loin.”
“When MacDonald’s open in hell, Satan sell Evil MacEvil dinners.”
“When baseball player swallow straight pin, he go into batting slump – He then called pinch hitter.” (pin shitter)
“Old man, smoking dope, while rocking on chair called Happy Rockefeller. “
“Two gay men named Bob known as Oral Roberts.”
"Man who growl and snarl at dog owners to get pets spayed and neutered is also Bob Barker."
“Surfer, who fart get caught in rip tide.”
“Man who try to walk on water might die in under tow.”
“Bragging unicorn with cold, tend to toot own horn.”
“Man who continue to fall in out-house in winter, battle cold sewers for life. “ (cold sores)
“Cat house owner, who give free service to men with foot fetish, have stock in Frito-Lay.” (free toe lay)
“Scholar who eat beans cannot solve astute problems.” (ass toot)
"If Tiny Tim get too close to oven, he could end up a Cratchit in the rye."
“Over-milked cow will suffer ‘udder’ exhaustion.“
“Rice Krispies allowed to freeze become Snap, Crackle, Popsicles.”
“Rice Krispies allowed to sour become Snap, Crackle, Pop Tarts.”
“Man who drive like crazy, develop Loco motion.”
“When Chinaman see Frenchman urinating in woods, he yell, ‘European in the Bushes’!” (You are peein in the bushes!)
“Glass-eyed man who eat spinach, called Popeye.”
“Anorexic who refuse ride becomes Walking Stick.”
“Small gnat bother astronaut on moon flight known as Lunatic.” (lunar tic)
“Beings on Mars who ignore others, guilty of Martian.” (Mars shun)
As part of major cover-up, “Braless Canadian scientist told by boss to search for Labrador.” (lab bra door)
“If farmer knock down lantern in barn, he better off changing business to Worm Farm.” (warm farm)
“Playboy who attempt to grope two ladies at once, called Fortitude.” (four tit dude)
When Shao Lin priest in Buddhist Temple asked to tighten robe, he reply, “Please bare with me. “
“Most Penn Dot workers are Rhodes Scholars.”
“Man who insist on sitting on cactus alone, learn he assert himself.” (ass hurt)
“Young man may flunk out of school if he prefer to study abroad.”
“Female frog that sit on very short post, likely to have Tad Pole.”
“If Dr. Kevorkian open pediatrics office in China, euthanasia in trouble.” (youth in Asia)
“When botanist move to Berlin, he take part in germination data.” (German Nation)
“Rumor that oil tycoon is rich is well-founded.”